Excerpt from the diary of Hedgewold von Bufhousen
July 15, 1992
This may come as a shock to you, but I was right all along. That creepy bear from the Wellinghouse Foundation’s annual Donation Drive and Chariot Race hates me.
I woke up from a deep, and what would have been rejuvenating, sleep around three o’clock in the morning to see it standing in my doorway, an eggbeater gripped in its villainously-stuffed paws. I was so startled, that I believe I fainted quite away. Upon rising in the morning, I found my entire shoelace collection a horrendous mess of frayed tangles – as if someone had taken an eggbeater to it. I believe this is more than mere coincidence.
From now on, I shall take a can of Raid to bed with me.